I am always on Facebook reading posts. I find it interesting to see how people actually think. There are some things that I think are the most ridiculous statements in the world, but then there are some things I read, and think that the writer is a total genius (rare). Nevertheless, I love coming across some of the posts written by my sisters (black women), asking where all the good brothers are. Before I go into a great deal of writing, I am going to say this; there are a ton of great black men walking this earth. You are not doing the right things to attract them. If you are attracting a lot of men, there is a greater chance that you are attracting terrible men, or you are attracting good men, and don’t know the first thing about keeping them. Here are a few of my thoughts, for getting and keeping a good Black brother.
- If you have any issues, concerns, or troubles (this does include bad relationships)…get some therapy so that you don’t keep those things in front of you. This will help your picker get cleaned up. A good picker is not an easy thing to attain. We live what we learn, and tend to do what we are used to doing.
- Don’t be afraid to be who you truly are. If you are a more introverted person, you need to be secure within yourself, and stand firm on how you’re made.
- What are your core values? Don’t allow your core values to be compromised.
Now here is the list that you may not like:
- Learn to take pictures facing forward. Stop taking booty pictures! I know that you may think this is sexy, and cute, but it sends a subliminal message. If you truly believe that your only asset is behind you, then we have a bigger problem HOUSTON!
- Take the time to actually learn someone. There are couples who have been with each other for decades, who are still learning about each other. The reason for this is that they actually started with a genuine interest in knowing more about this person. If you slow it down a little, you may be able to determine if this man is truly your type or not.
- Work from the inside out. A man will know that his greatest assets are his brain, and his heart. If he does in fact have some money, he should not show his hand too early. Ladies, if he starts out spending on you, please know that money is his #1 asset, and chances are if it is, then you will never truly know him, because he will always use his money to define who he really is.
- Stop looking for money. This is why you end up with guys who are out here doing everything under the sun to get money. Yes, you may have fun. Yes, you may get a few gifts, but you also may get to accept a lot of collect phone calls. You may have to live in fear 24/7. You may also find yourself doing criminal activity to prove your loyalty to this man.
- Cut the crew down. I know that this is going to hurt, but if you want a man to come to you, then you can’t have your secret service team blocking you. Being approachable is important. The crew is notorious for keeping things going. Learn not to tell all of your business to them, because somebody just might be hating on your happiness on the low. I am sorry to tell you this ladies, but your momma just may be part of the crew that you need to cut down when it comes to having and keeping a man. Momma may need to read this too!
- We already know that you are independent, so you don’t have to tell us. Stop wearing your independence like a badge of honor. Yes, you have your degree. Yes, you have your money. Yes, you have a great career, but if you desire to be in a good relationship what does your independence matter?
- If there can be an infomercial on your “goodies,” eventually your “goodies” will lose their value. Protect your name as if it is a luxury brand. People want things that are rare finds. People don’t want what everyone has or have had.
- STAY OUT OF THE CLUBS IF YOU’RE OVER 40. There is nothing worse than the mother who has children who are at a clubbing age, being in the club where there children are. Now if your child wants to come to a nicer environment like a lounge, I can understand because they are in a more mature environment. If you are out there doing your 20 year anniversary pose in front of the airbrushed Bentley with the other 40+ crew, showing the same backsides that have now grown up a lot, you NEED TO STOP! Your time has come, and gone. 9 times out of 10, the men that you see in the clubs who are your age are either going through a middle-aged crisis, looking for some drunk love, or they have been locked up for so long that they are now living like they are 21.
- Find some time for HIM, and only HIM. There will always be something to do. There will never be enough hours in the day. Let me tell you; find the time to give to your man. Shut everything down, and focus on each other. People tend to forget that the relationship consists of two people. Not the kids, mom, the job, the girls, and everything in between. Don’t take time for granted, because tomorrow is not promised.
Ladies, I can understand your pain. It is becoming a more difficult task finding that knight in shining armor, but you have to do a better job of attracting, and keeping him. I am not claiming to know everything, but I do know what we look for. So the next time you decide to ask, “Where they at?” You might just have to do a self-examination to see if you are in the right place first.