Let me start by saying that there are too many absent fathers. Their absence definitely plays a role in the struggle that our children have which carries on into adulthood. We must do better as fathers. I will definitely be writing about that soon. Now let’s get to the topic for today.
There are many mothers raising young men by themselves. This is an unfortunate fact. It is a dangerous one as well. In spite of the mom being upset with their sons, you always tend to hear them say, “But he is my baby.”
There are so many young men who don’t even know how to get themselves up in the morning. What is going to happen when he is a grown man? What is it going to look like when you are expecting him to be responsible for doing this simple task on his own?
Life for a Black man is no cakewalk. As bland as this statement is, I feel compelled to say it. The world is not going to be easy on him. There are so many people who are already against him. He must be prepared to be ridiculed, and mistreated. He must get used to having many doors closed in his face. He must get used to hearing “No.” How do you go about raising the most hunted creature on the face of the planet? This is why fathers are so important, because the hunted can teach a youngling where the traps are, and how to move around them. But if you have a man in your home who can give good guidance, then this is not for you.
Mom, I know that he is your baby, but you have to do something to increase the caliber of man these young men are becoming. If he is wearing $200-$500 jeans, $200 gym shoes, and does not work, or have a job that can afford him these items, let me be the first to tell you, HE DOES NOT NEED THEM. What lessons are you teaching him about money? What are you teaching him about being able to earn for himself? He will more than likely grow up believing that material things define who he really is, like most of us do. If he gets used to a woman providing for him now, what type of woman do you think he is going to look for in the future? You guessed it, one that will provide for him. You hear so many women saying, “I am not taking care of a man.” Yet there are so many already doing it, and creating the exact man that they talk about so badly.
Growing up, I knew that my mother loved me. I knew it because she provided me with a decent living, and made sure that I was able to survive without doing something immoral, unethical, illegal, or dangerous. I grew up in the Jordan era, but my mother refused to buy me those shoes because she said that I needed to know the value of a dollar. She also said that she wanted me to understand how long it took to make $110 dollars. Unfortunately, there are too many parents who were not taught this lesson, and now we have adults who well sell drugs, rob, steal, and kill to have material things.
I urge mothers who do not have men in the household, to raise the type of man that she would marry. Stop doing everything for him, and believing that one day he is going to change from that privileged lifestyle to becoming a provider, and caregiver to his family. He won’t take out the trash, clean gutters, cut grass, wash, and gas cars, and fix things that need to be fixed if you are always doing it for him. Sleeping until noon is INSANE if you are not working 2nd or 3rd shift. It’s even worse if you are not working at all. The likelihood of your son growing up to maintain the lifestyle that you are providing for him is slim to none. There are rich people who do not wear $500 jeans, and $200 gym shoes. Teach him lessons while you have the chance. If you wait until he is used to it, and is now almost an adult, he just might become disrespectful towards you.
Don’t force him into a lifestyle of wrongdoing to have material things. Going to prison for chasing a fictitious lifestyle, makes absolutely zero sense. Dying to maintain a fictitious lifestyle is just unimaginable.
Again, we do need fathers in the household, but if he isn’t, that doesn’t mean ease up on how you are raising your baby. One day he will be a man, and a whole new world will be waiting on him. Will he be ready?